To say I’ve been in a bit of a funk recently would be an understatement, which is weird because usually after some kid free time I am recharged and ready to face the week ahead. Not so much this weekend, I had the best Saturday possible where it involved a 11.5km run outdoors, followed by a leg workout. Then I had the pleasure of playing my x-wing miniatures game and won 🙂 and enjoyed the time in between playing pool and other things…
I woke up early on Sunday and took a look at my MasterMind homework for the week, this scared the crap out of me and I think started the process of getting inside my own head. To backtrack a bit, I’ve joined several men’s support groups on Facebook and have started working with several guys through weeks of community calls and support to help improve mental health/ The love and support I’ve found here is life changing in so many ways that sometimes words cannot just describe.
So this exercise really got into my head, and it started my mind thinking on a bunch of other things that really had an impact and effect on my mood. This would be one of the greatest things that I needed to work on and change when I decided to walk away from my job and rediscover all the joys in life. We sometimes call it Mental Toughness, and it had been awhile since my mind had gotten the better of me. This mood, if you will drifted into Monday and I got through that day but was very lethargic, didn’t eat well and perhaps drank one or two too many beers last night. Lying in bed eating a large piece of apple pie right before going to sleep perhaps was not the best thing.
The last two night I have also had very vivid and telling dreams about a few of things that I have been thinking on. I think my sub conscience mind was trying to work through some of the mental baggage that I am still carrying around in the back of my mind. And I have a job interview today, one that I am only a little nervous about as it’s my first in a good long while, and there may be some uncomfortable topics on conversation along the way. I think if I approach it with an open mind, and coming from a point of being vulnerable then I should be just fine.
With all this going on today, I reached out to some friends and posted in a few of my support groups, and I was hit back with some instant comments and support. Even had a challenge thrown my way to keep at things and I happily accepted that challenge and found my way down to my gym in the basement for a good hour of lifting weights and running the stairs throughout my house.
It helped immensely with my mood and energy level for the rest of today! I actually feel pretty good, I guess the only thing left to work through is my nerves with regards to both this interview and the fact that I will be the center of attention during my conference call tonight, talking about this very subject. i actually welcome the chance to get 12 other men’s perspective on my situation and what I am currently dealing with. It’s an incredibly nerve racking experience to open up and share what’s going on in my head, not something that I have ever done before which is causing the nerves. When it all said and done I know that I will learn and grow from the experience and continue to move my life in the right direction.
This is a cycle that I have dealt with my entire life, and it would cripple me for weeks at a time. Dealing with addiction made this cycle even worse, and even tougher to shake. I have a smile on my face as I type this now realizing that I have positioned myself to help safeguard these self destructive cycles that I know that exist in my life. Ha ha… win!