Where Do I Start?

A quick Google search revealed an endless number of dating sites, where on Earth is one to start with?  That is a very good question.

Ten years ago, when I was last involved in the world of online dating, the site of choice was eHarmony or Lava Life.  And I tried them both, the first was eHarmony.  This was a site that asked lots and lots of questions, with the ideal of matching you up based on a complex personality profile.  In theory a great idea, however after 45 minutes of answering these questions I was disqualified as I wasn’t officially divorced and this site only took single people.  It in fact may have changed in recent years…

Then it was onto Lava Life, where I did actually meet and was able to date a few ladies.  My second wife, Danielle was one of those ladies, in fact two long term relationships came from that period of my life, with both ladies met on that site.

In the summer of 2017, I signed up for Lava Life and Match again and honestly didn’t have any good experiences, basically I knew I was ready and a result the only thing I seemed to be able to attract where con artists, and people trying to steal my money…  It was really ugly, and honestly turned me off the world of online dating for almost an entire year…

This past summer a co-worker and I were having a conversation about Tinder, and he was sharing his experiences with me.  And kind of a social experiment I signed up for an account as well.  So basically if you are unfamiliar with the site or app, it shows you a picture(s) of the opposite sex, and you have the option to swipe right if you like, or left if your not interested.

dating2

You do have the option of creating a small profile under the pictures, and I would argue that most people don’t read much of the profile and are swiping based on that initial picture they see.  Originally I was not getting much interest on Tinder, and I’d be very interested to know what the man vs woman ratio is on that site…

I switched my main profile picture to a triathlon/bike riding shot and the interest picked up immediately.  Imagine that…

The other site I decided to use was Match, and most likely because of a combination of already having a profile created there, and being just a bit on the lazy side.  I did update some of the pictures, and re-wrote the profile.  Match is more of a traditional online dating site, with a combination of pictures and words, and interests that have to help “match” you up with other people.

And once I ironed out the wrinkles, and learned a bit about how these sites actually worked, I was officially back in the game.

Now with regards to Tinder, you cannot actually send a message or “talk” with the other person until a mutual swiping has occurred.  With Match feel free to send off as many messages to ladies as you would like.

Your introduction (what sets yourself apart…) I’ve found might be the most important thing on Match.  Having gone out on a few dates, I have asked about some of the ladies experiences they have had with the men that they met.  And let’s just say there are lots of interesting men out there indeed.  Some ladies are getting hundreds of messages a day from different men, and this whole process can be completely overwhelming.

So how do you set yourself apart from every other Tom, Dick and Harry?

Simple.

BE YOURSELF.

I can’t state that one enough, you have to just be yourself.

This is one thing I’ve learned from a couple of failed marriages is that you just need to be yourself, the person you ultimately want to be with needs to be attracted to you.  Not the image of the man you are trying to project.  honestly, that just isn’t going to work if your goal is a long term relationship.

Being yourself, takes off so much pressure as to how to act, what to say, even what to dress.  The lady is going to like you are or not.  And I would much, much rather have them like ME not the man I am trying to project.  It’s a simple concept, that I believe often gets overlooked.

I have yet to give any of the other dating sites a try, and I suspect that I never will.  These two are more than enough, and I’ve honestly seen the same ladies on both sites over the last few months.

I look forward to the day I get to delete these applications forever!

The Mindset Shift In My Relationships

When I got from St. Louis in the beginning of June, I knew that it was going to be project move the family for the next six to eight weeks until all was finished.  I had just come back from an amazing life changing experience and felt I was ready to start dating again.  I did feel like I needed one more sign to push me over the edge if you will…

That same week Larry Hagner, the founder of the Good Dad Project opened himself for some free time to chat with any Dad’s Edge Alliance member that week and I took him up on his offer a few days later.  Basically I wanted to talk with Larry about the amazing time I had the week before, and basically thank him for creating such a wonderful place for men.

We talked for a few minutes about the Summit, and some of the topics that we covered and he stopped out conversation, and opted to record the talk for a future podcast.  I honestly wasn’t really nervous about talking, and it wasn’t until the end of the month the podcast was published and I was able to actually listen back to this conversation for the first time.

i was driving to play golf with my buddy Ryan, as I listened to it for the first time.  I was actually quite impressed with this conversation, and one answer in particular that went on for over nine minutes was particularly enlightening.

The link is below, and I invite you all to give it a listen.

The Good Dad Project Podcast Episode 122

Being Happy ~ All Alone!

One of the things that I knew I would have to do is completely change my mindset about first off being single, and being happy all on my own.  Needed someone in my life to be happy was not the key to being successful, it would only lead to further issues as any relationship progressed.  Being happy as a single man raising 4 kids was key to the success of any future relationship!

That process took almost two full years before I knew I was ready, and I needed lot’s of signs along the way to help convince me.  Truthfully in the beginning I wasn’t even interested in even looking at another lady, when I would go to the gym I would keep to myself despite many opportunity to just talk with another person.  Wasn’t interested…  My friends kept telling me that it would happen when I least expected it, and there was some truth to that…

At the start of 2018, I actually met someone and had a few month relationship that was great but unfortunately due to the timing of life was destined to fail from the beginning.  What I did learn that I wasn’t quite ready yet, I was getting closer but not there.  I embarked on a journey to make me happy, and as much as I enjoyed the summer of 2017 even calling it the Summer of George, in 2018 I needed to change my mindset.  I need to learn how to be successful, to be happy, to be open and vulnerable.

Being a member of the Dad’s Edge Alliance, I joined a weekly mastermind where I went on a weekly journey with a fantastic group of men that completely changed my life.  Each month this group of men would dive into a different topic, and discuss it over a series of weekly calls.  In the month of February for example, we reviewed the Five Love Languages, a concept to that point that I had no previous knowledge of…  Reading that book, and then the book No More Mr Nice Guy, and then The Miracle Morning… each one of these books has introduced ideas and concepts into my life that I really knew nothing about before.  And each one helped me grow just a bit more as a man and father.

It was a trip that I took in the beginning of June that truly changed my world and showed just how powerful a life full of authenticity and openness can truly be.  Spending three days with 70 other fathers and men with the purpose of becoming better husbands and fathers was well, mere words will ever be able to describe the experience.  From about three pm on Saturday through to 4 am on Monday morning when I finally got home I was alone with my thoughts.  Sitting around the campfire outside of St. Louis and writing in my journal about my experience, and then what I wanted next in life.

The first thing I wrote about was dating… was about meeting someone special… was about sharing my life with someone again.  Waking up in the morning and sharing some coffee, right through to falling asleep at the end of the day in each others arms after an active, fun day.  The 20 hour drive on the way home was just perfect for reflecting and thinking about what’s next?

I knew I was ready.  And so while the first task after getting home from St. Louis was to move my family to the next town over, and when that oh so fun task was completed 6 weeks later, I fired up the Tinder and Match accounts on a bright and sunny Monday morning…

 

 

 

I’m Back Baby! ~ George Costanza

So it’s definitely been awhile since I’ve sat down to write a blog post for my little site here.  I honestly was upset for the ripple effect I saw in my personal life from a simple blog post(s) from earlier this year, and I’ve been busy!  Going back to work full time and head first dove into the world of dating once again.

And that experience is what I want to write about again.  My goal is to simple share my experiences, both good and bad and hopefully someone can learn something and apply it to their own life.  That would be aces.

As of this writing, it’s been about five weeks since I made the decision to date again.  And is that really a decision you make?  I just woke up one day and said to myself, today is the day to get back out there.  What was it about that particular day versus every other day, I couldn’t tell you.  I just knew that I finally, after almost two years felt ready to give it a serious try.  Now when I do something, it’s 100% and then a little more, as I believe that you only get back what you are willing to put in…

Two months ago, a co-worker and I were talking about Tinder, the “dating” app where you can swipe right (I like), or left (no thanks) based on a few pictures, and maybe a paragraph or two…  So as much as an experiment as anything else, I created a Tinder profile and started swiping away.  It felt very underwhelming to be looking for love on my cell phone, swiping left or right.  This site is also geographically based, meaning you can only see certain woman based on your search radius and where you are actually located.

Let’s just say in that first few weeks I learned all the single ladies in and around Barrie and Angus… I’ve yet to meet someone in person that I’ve seen online, and I often find myself wondering if someone out there recognizes me?

“Hey, I saw you on Tinder but I didn’t swipe right…”

Is that really a conversation anyone wants to ever have?

img_5624I honestly wasn’t getting much action on Tinder until I changed my profile picture.  Once I loaded this picture, Tinder blew up for me.  I would argue I saw 1000% more interest based on this picture.

I had a few ladies ask if that was really me in the picture, and yes it is!  Perhaps my all time favorite photo of me, cause in all honesty I look fantastic.  I would sleep with me…

I’d just finished a 1.5 km swim after jumping off the side of a steamship, flew out of the transition area on my bike and finished the first climb of the day.  The photographer, Mike Cheliak was sitting in the middle of the road at the top of the hill snapping away.  My arms, chest and shoulders were still all pumped up from a 40 minute swim, and start of the bike.

I also dusted off my old profile on Match which I had set up the previous summer without much success, truthfully I wasn’t ready for that whole world just yet.  I believe I went on one date, and uncovered at least three scams to get money from me.  It was not a good experience because I just didn’t have the right mindset, and any relationship that I may have started would have been doomed to failure.

The whole online dating process is a lot like answering want ads or applying for a job might be an even more accurate statement.  Your searching through all the listings, looking for the “lady” that might just be the one, that right combination of interesting words and a eye catching picture of two.  With so many different people out there, all looking for something slightly different you never know the responses you might get, and from whom…

From the research that I did, there seemed to be lots of ideas of what to include in your profile to draw interest.  And from talking with people about their experience(s) in the world of online dating, and from my own experience so far I can honestly say you are never going to know, nor should you be surprised by anything that may happen.

So over the next few months I will be sharing my experiences to date, pun intended.  And truthfully I’ve already met someone pretty special, things are going very well and it was the most unexpected person I would ever have guessed.

 

The Morning Routine

Getting up and being productive has never been my thing.  The time in the restaurant industry molded me into a night Hawk, and then by default a late sleeper and not one of those early morning people that perk up before they open there eyes in the morning.

Not me, ugh where’s my coffee and snooze button.

Being in a tribe of men, I see a lot of success from those that have adapted some form of morning routine to start there day.  Coming from all walks of life, I’ve been exposed many awesome examples and ideas to try.  There of course is no one blue print that you can follow, each of us is an individual and the routine will differ from person to person.

The biggest thing that I have learned from these awesome examples is that it’s about creating the mindset for a successful day.  To mentally prepare for the day ahead, and plan for what you would like to get done for the day.  Everything from how I will interact with my children, to what I want to accomplish for the day.

This process (so far this week) has allowed me to be more productive, and effective as a father and man.  By investing a few hours into myself in the morning, has paid huge dividends to those around me.  This routine will continue to evolve over the next few weeks as I try different things into this routine until I find what truly works for me.

It’s now a routine that I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon, as it’s the perfect way to start the day.

https://www.northwestbakery.com
North West Bakery is based in Barrie, Ontario serving Simcoe County and the Greater Toronto Area, all of our products are homemade with love.  We can hand deliver to your business, party or special event.  Visit https://www.NorthWestBakery.com for details!

 

Where’s Waldo?

Is a children’s book, where you need to find this tiny dude hidden somewhere in a giant two page drawing with many similar looking patterns and designs.

waldo

Followers of my little blog here, might be wondering the same thing.  Where’s Waldo?  It’s been a while since you’ve written anything and/or updated the site.  I’d like to take the chance to explain why, and where I’ve been!

When I first got the idea last year to create a blog, the idea behind it was to share and express some of things that I wrote in my journal, perhaps with the intention that if one person could take something away from my experience with life, some of the lessons I may have learned and were able to better their own life, improve their relationship with a child, make themselves a bit healthier… all of these would be considered wins by me.

More importantly to me, was the ability to record my thoughts and feelings in a litle bit more of a creative way.  By adding music, and pictures, and comments to my posts, it is like creating a living and breathing journal, as opposed to mere words on a page.  Add on the fact that typing on a keyboard is slightly less painful to fingers after a lengthy period of writing, painful believe me.  I have the divot in my fingers to prove it.

Then something happened that I didn’t think of, or expect.  Things that i was writing started to come back and affect my personal life.

People from my past and present started to comment on the things I wrote, and often times in a very negative way.

It became very painful, to even share my own life as it was literally being thrown back into my face.  Really?  Yes, really.

I am very fearful to write about issues my children may be having, or solutions to those problems.  I fear to write about personal issues I struggle with not knowing if this information could be used against me in the future.

It’s actually kind of fucked.

What it did do was take all the love and joy out of writing this blog, and replaced it with a head shaking dis-belief that people had nothing better to do than comment on my life, which isn’t really all that interesting is it?

This blog was meant for me, and it was hi-jacked but people whom I sure had the best intentions behind there words.  I have been recently reminded that no one can tell you how to run your life.  Everyone is different, everyone looks at the world through a different set of us, and what works for me may not be the best thing for you.

With that in mind, and remembering why I got into this in the first place shouldn’t really have affecting me in the way that it has.  I am better than that.  My wonderful followers (that’s you) deserve better than that.  This is supposed to be fun.  This is suppose to be for me…

Found Waldo yet?  I’m right here!!

https://www.northwestbakery.com
North West Bakery is based in Barrie, Ontario serving Simcoe County and the Greater Toronto Area, all of our products are homemade with love.  We can hand deliver to your business, party or special event.  Visit https://www.NorthWestBakery.com for details!

 

100 Runs In A Row, What I’ve Learned

It takes a special kind of crazy to want to run 100 straight days.  It takes a special kind of crazy to willingly take 10,000 volts to the chest, but I’ve done that too.  Thanks Tough Mudder!

Yesterday I did not run, it was the first time in 2018 and while I thought I might miss it, I really didn’t at all!  I enjoyed kicking back with my feet up and for the most part relaxing all day.  After the 16km run to finish things off the legs were quite sore to say the least, my foam roller has been my best friend and things, while still sore, are feeling much better today.

So Ed, what did you learn over the last 100 days?  Excellent question good sir…

  • This wouldn’t have been possible without a support system.  This for me came from several different sources, my children first and foremost were my biggest supporters and have now seen, first hand what Daddy is capable of doing.  I owe Megan all the thanks in the world as I was ready to pack this challenge in in the mid to late 70’s and she called me out and told me to get out there and finish.  We have talked several times since about just what she did for me.  I posted my accomplishments in Instagram and Facebook, with numerous times getting words of encouragement and support, at times from complete strangers.  I am part of a Tuesday evening call group and weekly would report on how things were going, especially motivating as I got closer to the end.
  • Proper rest is essential for maintaining your body, muscles, mood and energy level.  In all honesty I’ve been battling a sore left hamstring since last November, I don’t recall how I first hurt but I woke up one day and it was just sore.  I re-aggravated it in December when I was racing to the front door of a restaurant on a cold night without warming up and really hurt it more.  To this day it never has fully healed, and at times prevented me from really opening things up on the road while running.  The last few weeks I have been wrapping it with a tensor bandage when running which really helped, as did the foam roller.  Now that this challenge is done, I will allow the leg to fully heal until I now longer feel any sensation in my left leg.
  • I have the ability to run in all kind of weather and conditions.  There were a few runs in January when it was minus 26 degrees plus windchill and man oh man it was cold, cold cold.  My wireless headphones conked out on more than one occasion from just how cold it was.  And it seems that here in Central Ontario that Spring will never ever come (snow forecasted for today) and I cannot wait to run in the beautiful sunshine.
  • As with a lot of adversity in life, it’s often mind over matter.  This challenge has helped sharpen the mental toughness needed in life to overcome almost any challenge out there.  I have completed an Ironman triathlon in the past which dramatically increased my self confidence and mental toughness, this running challenge has done the exact same thing.
  • My run ability has gone through the roof, in terms of the cardio base I’ve built, my running form, breathing, stride length… all improved.  All wins.

So what’s next?  While I will maintain my strength training program for the rest of the week, there will be no cardio until my leg is 100% healed up and then we will start a specific run training program that will include hills, interval training and long distance runs.  On Monday I will embark upon a 100 day cycling challenge which while physically a bit less taxing but equally challenging and rewarding in it’s own unique way.

When it’s all said and done I will have created a cardio base that will propel me towards the finish line of Ironman Muskoka 70.3 this coming July!!

https://www.northwestbakery.com
North West Bakery is based in Barrie, Ontario serving Simcoe County and the Greater Toronto Area, all of our products are homemade with love.  We can hand deliver to your business, party or special event.  Visit https://www.NorthWestBakery.com for details!