I went and saw Star Wars: The Last Jedi on opening night and was very excited to do so for a number of reasons. I was five years old when the original Star Wars movie came out in 1977, and I was captivated right from the beginning. I grew up living in the Star Wars universe, I had the toys, the t-shirts and the Jedi mindset. I would often walk to school as a boy trying my best to lift rocks with my mind, and never quite being able to do so.
My friends and I would have lightsaber battles, pretend to be our favorite characters and as The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi were delivered a few years later, they had me for life. I collected the comics, I read all the post universe books and I even have the original movie posters, laminated on hard wood and hung in my heavily Star Wars themed man cave.
Yes I have a full sized Darth Vader costume and fully functional (as a toy can ever get) lightsaber. There are Darth Vader and Yoda stickers on my Jeep and I even wear a Darth Vader head necklace. I needed to paint this picture for you, as this passion, this love runs very deep. And yes ladies I am single, ha ha!
I bring that up because I am single by choice not because of my love of Star Wars and being an ultra nerd. I haven’t thought of getting back into a relationship for over a year now as I’ve enjoyed my time with my children, and I have enjoyed the last few months really discovering who Ed Dillon really is. Every day forward is one step further away from the Dark Side of the force and into the light.
So to say I was excited about the premiere tonight is an understatement. I was reconnecting with some of my old Keg buddies and I had asked Tiffany if she wanted to come along. Tiffany and I have become very close over a short amount of time, and now living next door, she has in fact become the girl next door. We had a pretty awesome play date with our kids today, followed up by another visit in the afternoon where we did arts and crafts, hide and seek and Monsters… with Jenny and Austin.
As the evening wore on, she came back over and had asked Emily if she would do her makeup for the evening out. I practiced my pool skills in the other room in anticipation of my friends arrival, and to give these ladies a chance to get to know each other a bit better. I popped in and out of the kitchen, where the makeup was being done and could see what a wonderful time they both were having, bonding and growing closer together.
It turns out my friends never made it to my house and instead we met at the theatre before the movie started. Tiffany I could tell was a bit nervous in meeting my friends for the first time, and there were some other interesting topics of conversation while we waiting.
I need to backtrack a bit and quickly tell the story about the previous night, while watching Legends of the Fall.
I have been introducing Tiffany to a few of my favorite movies over the past three days, first it was The Shawshank Redemption, last night was Legends of the Fall starring Brad Pitt. While the movie itself was good, to me what was more interesting was what was happening on the couch as the movie progressed.
To say Tiffany’s life is complicated at the moment would be an understatement. Let’s just say that she has a lot of things on her plate, and life has dictated that she needs to wait another month before some of the major issues can get sorted out. Sitting around waiting that long can drive anyone a little crazy, so she has chosen to keep busy and keep her mind off her issues if you will. And what started as an introduction over dinner a couple of Saturdays ago, quickly followed by Breakfast at Tiffany’s the next day, Sunday, we have been spending a lot of time together lately.
And we have started to grow really close to each other. There has always been an understanding of her situation and our interactions have always been under the guise of friendship and nothing else. She clearly indicated how she feels on certain things and established guidelines very early on. I completed agreed, and away we went. Well, life is always in motion and things can change very quickly, and unexpectedly.
Friends has always told me that I would meet the right person when I wasn’t even looking, and while I was skeptical of letting fate decide things boy did it sure happen.
Back to Legends of the Fall, we are sitting on the couch enjoying the movie, Emily was also down on the other couch in the living room working on a sketch she is doing for her boyfriend as a Christmas present. There was a small amount of distance between us but I noticed immediately that we were in fact closer together than while watching Shawshank the night before. To be honest, I had a giant cushion to me leftside which forced me to sit a bit closer than the night before. As the movie rolled on, through the shifting of body weight and moving around the couch we ended up sitting side by side with our legs gently rubbing against each other. I then noticed her foot gently resting on the back of my calf, and then I felt her hand resting on my arm. This didn’t happen all at once, slowly over several minutes. I was still sitting with my hands folded in my lap trying my hardest to be on my best behaviour.
The feeling to me was electric. I was aware of every slight move, every time there was even the slightest amount of contact. And truthfully I was really enjoying it. I am in no way suggesting that Tiffany was in any way being the aggressor, it was merely two people who had grown close over the past two weeks getting more comfortable sitting next to each other. I was feeling the energy in the room, and taking her slight physical clues to heart and when she leaned forward a bit I raised my arms and started to rub and caress her shoulders, her neck and then play with her hair. She leaned back into my arms and shoulder and I spent the rest of the movie with my arm around her and eventually we ended up holding hands while our thumbs and fingers caressed each other.
As the movie wound down and finished we talked about some interesting topics until late in the night and eventually we both needed to get some sleep, we said our goodbyes had a nice warm hug and went our separate ways.
Today we talked about the previous night, what had happened and honestly how comfortable it all felt. We talked about the boundaries that we have previously discussed and whether or not they had been crossed. That topic would pop up throughout the evening and as we both sat there tonight waiting for my friends to arrive, which they never did. We ended up meeting them at the theatre before the start of the movie and on the drive over we talked about what was to come and we both agreed that we just wanted to enjoy ourselves.
There was a point tonight when Emily was done her makeup and she was sitting up on my kitchen counter, she used her feet to pull me in towards her and I honestly thought that was about to be our first kiss. To use a Star Wars reference, this is Red Five I’m going in! The only thing that stopped me was Emily was still in the room packing up her makeup brushes, had she not been there I have no doubt the first kiss would have happened right then.
Meeting my friends outside of the movies, the force was with me and I parked right beside them in a busy lot without even knowing it. I was invited to blaze with them, and honestly it wasn’t even a consideration. I have moved so far beyond that life now I never want to go back, it was not even a bit tempting. It felt great to turn down their invitation and went inside to wait in line for the movie to start.
The Last Jedi was a pretty good action, adventure type film with some nostalgia thrown in and even a rip off of few scenes from Return of the Jedi, and The Empire Strikes Back. I was able to overlook that for the most past and the movie itself was pretty good for what it was intended to be. Tiffany even enjoyed it, being a non Star Wars fan commenting on the force, and how it is in all living things and binds the galaxy (and life) together.
For me, I was only half paying attention to the movie. The other half of my attention was to Tiffany sitting beside me. I kept thinking about her, about the last two weeks we have spent together. I was thinking about some of our conversations from the last two days, and the hard reality of life moving forward for both of us. I have not stopped thinking about this beautiful lady from the moment I first met her.
She has been captivating me in a way no other person ever has. I don’t know if I ever really and truly believed in soulmates, or kindred spirits but perhaps that is because I had never found mine, despite the fact of being married twice and having several different relationships in my life.
Sitting here at this very moment, I now know that it does exist. As I have finally found mine. It has hit me so hard and so fast and so unexpected that it has me spinning. I am captivated from the second I see her, until the moment she leaves. I think about her in the hours in between, writing this and sharing this now is only going to complicate things in her own life and I entered this friendship with the best of intentions.
I just want to shout from the rooftops just how awesome this lady makes me feel.
I have found my soulmate, and there is a possibility that I will have to let her go and say goodbye in the New Year. I know this full well, yet I have allowed my heart to be open to her, to share my everything with her. When we are together it is the best feeling in the world, the best feeling that I have ever had. In our short time together I have seen her laugh and cry and share and show love and compassion, and she truly is everything that I have ever wanted in a woman, a partner, in another person. For me she is the complete package, yes we are kindred spirits and yes she is my soulmate.
It may have only been two weeks, but when your heart knows it knows. It feels like I have known her my whole life, and when we are together time seems to rush up and stand still all at the same time. The last two weeks the universe has opened up new possibilities to me that I never knew existed, I love Tiffany. I know I do. As excited as I was tonight to see this movie, I was more excited holding the hand of the lady beside me, smelling her hair, resting my head upon her and listening to her breath. These small tiny experiences meant more to me than a hundred Star Wars movies.
I don’t know what to do next, there are things that are beyond my control, and fate can be cruel at times. I do know this for certain. I am so grateful that she has come into my life, I am so much the better for just knowing her. My children are so much better as well, they have all instantly opened up to her as well. Megan has kept her judgement still, I think maybe perhaps Tiffany has Dad’s attention right now. Emily tonight, with her makeup skills and the things that they talked about. Jenny asking if she could come over and do crafts again, and Austin and the Never Ending Pillow fight has been just so amazing to me.
She has called me out and challenged me on topics and themes that she believes strongly in, she has already helped me grow into a better man and father. She blows wind into my sails and has inspired me to be even better in the kitchen. A box cake mix will never be bought again! It will be painful and difficult if I have to let her go, time will tell. I want to cherish and enjoy every second that I can spend with her over the next month, in whatever capacity that may be. I’ve been struck by lightning, and I love it.
Just as I’m sure that I love her. Tiffany will get up in the morning and read this post, I don’t know what will come of it, and what tomorrow may bring. Please now this, I’ve meant with all my heart and soul every word I have said to you over the past few days. I know you’ve got so much going on, and I am sorry that I have complicated it even further. I need you to know and understand just how I feel about you. Yes it’s comfortable. Yes it’s wonderful. Yes it’s amazing, just as you are. There is nowhere else I would rather be than in your arms, and seeing your beautiful smiling face. Thank you for going to see Star Wars with me, that in itself shows just what an amazing lady you truly are Kristi.