Month: August 2018

Being Happy ~ All Alone!

One of the things that I knew I would have to do is completely change my mindset about first off being single, and being happy all on my own.  Needed someone in my life to be happy was not the key to being successful, it would only lead to further issues as any relationship progressed.  Being happy as a single man raising 4 kids was key to the success of any future relationship!

That process took almost two full years before I knew I was ready, and I needed lot’s of signs along the way to help convince me.  Truthfully in the beginning I wasn’t even interested in even looking at another lady, when I would go to the gym I would keep to myself despite many opportunity to just talk with another person.  Wasn’t interested…  My friends kept telling me that it would happen when I least expected it, and there was some truth to that…

At the start of 2018, I actually met someone and had a few month relationship that was great but unfortunately due to the timing of life was destined to fail from the beginning.  What I did learn that I wasn’t quite ready yet, I was getting closer but not there.  I embarked on a journey to make me happy, and as much as I enjoyed the summer of 2017 even calling it the Summer of George, in 2018 I needed to change my mindset.  I need to learn how to be successful, to be happy, to be open and vulnerable.

Being a member of the Dad’s Edge Alliance, I joined a weekly mastermind where I went on a weekly journey with a fantastic group of men that completely changed my life.  Each month this group of men would dive into a different topic, and discuss it over a series of weekly calls.  In the month of February for example, we reviewed the Five Love Languages, a concept to that point that I had no previous knowledge of…  Reading that book, and then the book No More Mr Nice Guy, and then The Miracle Morning… each one of these books has introduced ideas and concepts into my life that I really knew nothing about before.  And each one helped me grow just a bit more as a man and father.

It was a trip that I took in the beginning of June that truly changed my world and showed just how powerful a life full of authenticity and openness can truly be.  Spending three days with 70 other fathers and men with the purpose of becoming better husbands and fathers was well, mere words will ever be able to describe the experience.  From about three pm on Saturday through to 4 am on Monday morning when I finally got home I was alone with my thoughts.  Sitting around the campfire outside of St. Louis and writing in my journal about my experience, and then what I wanted next in life.

The first thing I wrote about was dating… was about meeting someone special… was about sharing my life with someone again.  Waking up in the morning and sharing some coffee, right through to falling asleep at the end of the day in each others arms after an active, fun day.  The 20 hour drive on the way home was just perfect for reflecting and thinking about what’s next?

I knew I was ready.  And so while the first task after getting home from St. Louis was to move my family to the next town over, and when that oh so fun task was completed 6 weeks later, I fired up the Tinder and Match accounts on a bright and sunny Monday morning…

 

 

 

Am I Even Ready?

So how do you know your even ready to start dating again?  And I have realized that as I’ve met ladies in various states of readiness themselves.  Even sitting here now I am thinking to myself, am I even ready?  Ha ha..

A year ago not a chance, not even close to being ready.  I hadn’t learned enough about myself, and what I was going through to be able to open up to another person.  Taking a step back from life if you will, and learning about being a great father and husband.  I needed to learn how to listen, and talk openly and to be present.  I needed to learn what a love language was I could better recognize and speak them.  I needed to gain a level of self confidence so I could successfully navigate the highs and lows of a relationship in a positive and healthy way.  And I had to clear out all my baggage from my previous relationships,  I’d been carrying that shit around for far too long.

So began a journey at the start of 2018 that has continued to this day, the men that I’ve met, the life lessons that I continue to learn, the way I’ve seen my relationships change over the past year, how much more at peace with everything I am.  The Dad’s Edge Alliance has changed my life, and sent it in the most wonderful direction.  I had the fortunate pleasure of going on a retreat in St. Louis this past June that was life changing.  And my 20 hour drive home from that trip I was able to think about my life and what I wanted moving forward.

I wanted to find her.  And I was ready.

A couple of days later I was talking with Larry Hagner, the man that runs the D.E.A. and we end up recording a podcast about the subject of relationships and what I have learned about not only why I had been unsuccessful in the past, more importantly how to be success moving forward.  How to be open and vulnerable and present in each and every moment, as much as possible.  I moved my family in June and July and when that was finished, and I was looking at a kid free week at the end of July I knew the timing was right.

I’d been a single man for almost two years at this point, I had moved out and moved on.  Things had settled down in all other areas of my life, my job, my children, the move… I wrote a lot about the subject in my journal and one fine morning I woke up bright and early stood there and looked at myself in the mirror and I just knew.

Let’s do this.

My next post will be about how this change of mindset came about for me, and some of the things that I’ve done or read that has helped reshape the way that I think.

I’m Back Baby! ~ George Costanza

So it’s definitely been awhile since I’ve sat down to write a blog post for my little site here.  I honestly was upset for the ripple effect I saw in my personal life from a simple blog post(s) from earlier this year, and I’ve been busy!  Going back to work full time and head first dove into the world of dating once again.

And that experience is what I want to write about again.  My goal is to simple share my experiences, both good and bad and hopefully someone can learn something and apply it to their own life.  That would be aces.

As of this writing, it’s been about five weeks since I made the decision to date again.  And is that really a decision you make?  I just woke up one day and said to myself, today is the day to get back out there.  What was it about that particular day versus every other day, I couldn’t tell you.  I just knew that I finally, after almost two years felt ready to give it a serious try.  Now when I do something, it’s 100% and then a little more, as I believe that you only get back what you are willing to put in…

Two months ago, a co-worker and I were talking about Tinder, the “dating” app where you can swipe right (I like), or left (no thanks) based on a few pictures, and maybe a paragraph or two…  So as much as an experiment as anything else, I created a Tinder profile and started swiping away.  It felt very underwhelming to be looking for love on my cell phone, swiping left or right.  This site is also geographically based, meaning you can only see certain woman based on your search radius and where you are actually located.

Let’s just say in that first few weeks I learned all the single ladies in and around Barrie and Angus… I’ve yet to meet someone in person that I’ve seen online, and I often find myself wondering if someone out there recognizes me?

“Hey, I saw you on Tinder but I didn’t swipe right…”

Is that really a conversation anyone wants to ever have?

img_5624I honestly wasn’t getting much action on Tinder until I changed my profile picture.  Once I loaded this picture, Tinder blew up for me.  I would argue I saw 1000% more interest based on this picture.

I had a few ladies ask if that was really me in the picture, and yes it is!  Perhaps my all time favorite photo of me, cause in all honesty I look fantastic.  I would sleep with me…

I’d just finished a 1.5 km swim after jumping off the side of a steamship, flew out of the transition area on my bike and finished the first climb of the day.  The photographer, Mike Cheliak was sitting in the middle of the road at the top of the hill snapping away.  My arms, chest and shoulders were still all pumped up from a 40 minute swim, and start of the bike.

I also dusted off my old profile on Match which I had set up the previous summer without much success, truthfully I wasn’t ready for that whole world just yet.  I believe I went on one date, and uncovered at least three scams to get money from me.  It was not a good experience because I just didn’t have the right mindset, and any relationship that I may have started would have been doomed to failure.

The whole online dating process is a lot like answering want ads or applying for a job might be an even more accurate statement.  Your searching through all the listings, looking for the “lady” that might just be the one, that right combination of interesting words and a eye catching picture of two.  With so many different people out there, all looking for something slightly different you never know the responses you might get, and from whom…

From the research that I did, there seemed to be lots of ideas of what to include in your profile to draw interest.  And from talking with people about their experience(s) in the world of online dating, and from my own experience so far I can honestly say you are never going to know, nor should you be surprised by anything that may happen.

So over the next few months I will be sharing my experiences to date, pun intended.  And truthfully I’ve already met someone pretty special, things are going very well and it was the most unexpected person I would ever have guessed.