grow – #SixKidChaos

Today Is # 100

In a few hours I will be heading out for run number 100 in a row, in a challenge I started on back on January 1st. Talk about the ultimate New Years Resolution!!

There are going to be a lot of emotions and feelings floating through my head while I am out there and I am actually very interested to see where my thoughts take me. I remember vividly during the final few kilometers of my first Ironman 70.3 race, I started to reflect on my journey that led to this race. I had tears rolling down my face during the final two kilometers with each step filling my heart and soul a little bit more with a sense of accomplishment.

This challenge was not easy for me, and almost didn’t see it’s conclusion. I had (and needed) help along the way to see it through, and while I may have been the one doing all the running it was a group effort to get me across the finish line. Being a single Dad of four kids it takes a lot of planning, juggling and lots of help to manage and organize your time to get these runs in. Body maintenance, proper rest, nutrition and the right frame of mind are also big factors involved as well.

With that in mind I would like to thank so many people for their help with this journey. I honestly could not, and would not have done it without your help!

It still amazes me a bit as to one can accomplish with the right frame of mind, and this journey has certainly helped build a mental toughness that is going to come in very handy during my Ironman 70.3 race this summer. Very handy indeed.

Up next for this guy is going to be a 100 day bike challenge, that will be equally challenging to me, although not quite as taxing on the quads, and other leg muscles. It will help build an excellent cycling base to go on top of the excellent run base I have established.

There will be lot’s of running in the days ahead, and I am looking forward to switching things up to a more diverse training plan with regards to running. Hill work, interval training, recovery/base runs and long run Sundays are going to be part of the plan moving forward. Goals? I have a few… I really want to break a 4 minute kilometer, and hit a 21 minute 5km as well. With proper rest, the correct warmup and the desire to just bring it, I believe all of these things can happen and more.

Amazing, just amazing…

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Three Runs To Go!!!!

Unbelievably I only have 3 more runs left to complete in my 100 day running challenge, and the question now shifts from IF I will finish, to HOW I will finish and I’ve thought of a few different scenarios over the past two weeks… it’s a great shame that mother nature just isn’t co-operating with me at this point. We have had snow all week, and even this morning I’ve woken up to another foot that had fallen overnight.

I don’t mind running in the snow, or the cold but hey, I’ve been running outside for three plus months now, sometimes in extreme and crazy conditions. Heck, I ran in January when it was minus 26 degrees. That my friends is dedication! I guess I just really wanted to end on a nice warm spring day, where I could just have shorts and a t-shirt on and just enjoy the beauty as I finish with a nice long run down to the lake and back. I still may do this run, it’s just that it will be cold and rainy on Tuesday.

I have a group call every Tuesday night with an amazing group of men that know of this challenge, and I am going to start that call while out running so they can all have a good laugh but I will already have completed the 100th earlier in the day, I guess that will be run 101. Seriously, I’ve had so much enjoyment with this challenge and I never thought that I would see it through. I figured injury, or my own head would get in the way of me finishing and it almost did.

i was at a pretty low point in March, in fact the whole month was a real struggle for me. I found myself withdrawing inside my own head, slid back (rather easily) into some bad habits and almost gave up this challenge completely. My body was tired and sore, my energy level started to decrease on a daily basis, some days I just didn’t even want to get out of bed. I hadn’t felt that low since last September when I had to walk away from my job at Keg because I was a grumpy, miserable fuck.

That all changed a few weeks ago with a phone call.

A mentor and friend of mine, Jason talked me through what was going on and the why of it all. He told me something that I have not heard enough of in my life…

YOU ARE WORTH IT. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

Very powerful words when one does not believe in themselves. I have these limiting beliefs, check that, I HAD these limiting beliefs that have held me in place my entire life. The journey that I have been on the last six months has been to smash through those beliefs and do some crazy and amazing things with my life, and my family. I have made some progress but always seemed to take a few steps forward then a few steps back.

NO MORE I SAY!! NO MORE!!

Having someone believe in me, having someone blow wind into my sails is all I have even wanted out of life, and in a relationship. I had just that for awhile and when it was taken away from me I collapsed like a house of cards. That’s life, right?

The foundation that I have worked to build the last six months remained strong, Jason helped shuffle those cards back up and I took them back and started to rebuild. I have had a few comments from various sources about being on fire recently, and boy I sure am. The introvert Ed Dillon, he gone just like a baseball player whiffing at strike three. Gone.

In it’s place stands a strong, confident compassionate man on a journey of personal growth and increased wisdom. I love that statement, it gives me goosebumps. But it’s true, it’s damn true.

This past week I have had meaningful and intense conversations with men from all over the planet, we truly like in a global age. Thursday past I spoke to guys from Australia, Missouri, Minnesota, Toronto and Texas all with intent and meaning. A year ago you couldn’t put me into a room with strangers, I would shy away and be a wall flower and feel totally uncomfortable. Today, I welcome these challenges, it pushes me out of my comfort zone and forces me to grow, and grow and grow.

I am very grateful for being on this path. My relationships with everyone has improved, my children most of all. Emily… i don’t even need to put it into words. Tears to my eyes… life is going to get very interesting, heck it already is.

Have a fantastic Sunday everyone, this guy is smiling ear to ear!

Welcome to the Next Evolution

Life is an ever evolving journey that will keep me on my toes right up until the day that I die, which I hope to be many years from now but in all reality who really knows?

I have been doing a lot of soul searching, reflection and subconscious thinking about my future over the past several weeks. At times in my life I have been caught in the cycle of the nothing, but this period of time was completely different… when I am in the grip of the nothing, nothing happens, I don’t do much (usually zero exercise) and I feel sorry for myself, a little depressed, just generally not a good mental place.

Again this was different, I know BIG changes are coming and my mind has been planning things out getting ready for today. Today is the first day of the next evolution of my life as things seem to be falling into place, perhaps not the way I originally planned or intended but that is life isn’t it?

It’s kind of funny to me when I sit here and think about things, rolling with things, being a bit of a free spirit has never been my strong suit and something I have really struggled with in the past. I would fight against what I had planned, and what life was presenting to me, it was a struggle and it would usually end up sucking the joy and excitement of whatever it was I may be doing. A very small change in my own mental perception of things has helped tremendously when approaching life.

Using my oldest daughter as a perfect example, as I have struggled with her or more correctly my own mental perception of what I thought her teenage years should be, and as time went by and I struggled with my vision of my daughter’s life, the way I thought it should be, and what ultimately it turned out to be were two completely different things. The more I would fight against what was reality, and what my vision of that reality the further apart we seemed to grow. Having accepted the situation for what it is, for accepting the way my life has turned out now I can build from here.

The next four months are going to see a lot of HUGE changes coming in this guys life, and I am very excited to see where I can end up come the end of this summer. It’s going to be awesome!!

Monkey See, Monkey Doo

I didn’t quite understand just how much my actions would influence my children’s behaviour until very recently when I had a numerous of life hard truths that I had to first face, and then overcome. The last few months I have had the absolute pleasure of seeing the results of a positive, action lifestyle. A few weeks ago during one of my MasterMind group calls, the topic of doing things in front of your children. One in our group is learning to play the guitar, and it was suggested to practice while the kids were around so they could see Dad practice… Interesting concept.

This has now translated into working out with Austin each day as opposed to lifting weights at the gym, I have the ability to do this at home. Each day he gets very excited to join Daddy in building muscle downstairs in my home gym. Today will be no different as Austin and I will soon be crushing chest day.

The opposite effect of something like even writing this blog post is that Austin is lying here beside me watching his Ipad, or his cartoons on the TV. If I am not actively engaging him he can get lost in the electronic world, and I’d much rather have him based in the real world. With most of the snow now melted up here, Austin has also started asking to go the park, as this is when my “training” will get to be really a lot of fun. As beneficial as lifting weights has been to my overall strength it does get rather repetitive and boring for me. Perhaps lacking a true workout partner to push me harder and further… who knows… but what I really enjoy is jumping on my bike with the boy in tow, and then stopping at parks for him to play and me to get some working out in on the playground equipment.

It’s a lot of fun, it’s a lot of weight based movements with lot’s of pushing and pulling involved, I challenge you to try to the kids monkey bars the next time you find yourself passing a playground. It’s tough.

100 Days of Running – DAY 50

Many people have expressed to me, including the Nike coach that sometimes whispers in my ear as I run to start off easy and build into the run. It was a hard lesson for me to learn, and even after all these years I am not sure that I still even get it. Let me explain, back in 2007 when I was a 234 pound coach potato and had yet to do my first triathlon I started to run. I can visualize the run corse still in my head, I would start on my driveway head about 150m down the street with a left turn and a kilometer down the street to an Esso gas station, turn around and return home. Two kilometers in total.

My run accountability tracker. It’s half full!

When I started I could not get to the end of my street without my heart pounding, a stitch developing in my side, and me being completely gassed. What I was doing was leaving my driveway and not running, sprinting at full speed! My inexperience with anything athletic at that point in my life, had me dazed and confused. I didn’t know how to run, my goal was to run as fast as I could, I still shake my head sitting here over 10 years later that I couldn’t understand the concept of how to run…

So here we are 11 years later, and I am smack dab in the middle of a personal 100 day run challenge. I had heard of this challenge a few years ago, and have tried it in the past. My mindset was that if you could run 100 days in a row, it would put you into fantastic physical condition for the upcoming triathlon season. I believe I tried this challenge two or three years already and never ever made it into double digits. I gave up, I quit, I missed a day, I left life get in the way…

So what is different this year? How have I made it all the way to day 50?

That is a very good question, something I will reflect upon today during run 50. What immediately comes to mind is the support circle and system of accountability that I have surrounded myself with. The changes that I have made in my life both on a personal and professional level. The fact that I know own my shit, not all the time but it is definitely a work in progress. The MasterMind group I have joined, is an amazing place for support and accountability led by Jeff and Jason have encouraged me along the way. New friends like John Bauer inspire me to keep going on this crazy adventure feeding off each others positive energy and good vibes.

Most importantly is the man I see staring at me in the glass each morning. He inspires me to be better, he inspires me to try harder, he inspires me to run further, he inspires me to grab my shoes and go for a run each and every day for the last 50 days. He will continue to inspire me to run for 50 more!

Post Valentine’s Day Blues

So as a single guy a day like yesterday kind of sucks. Everywhere you turn love and happiness is being thrown in your face, to make matters worse I was also trying to capitalize on this day by pimping my sugar cookie business to anyone that was interested. To spend the day before (all day) baking, icing and decorating, then packaging up all these tasty treats was a lot of fun but just drove the point home even more.

It was a perfect storm of life events as well, both little kids went back to their mom’s house as it was Wednesday. The eldest two wanted to spend time with their friend and boyfriend so I had an empty house.

Honestly sitting home alone was not so much fun, and it allowed my mind to wander into some rather dark places. I didn’t like where it was going, and I was questioning a lot of the decisions that I have made over the last few months. I immediately recognized this as the beginning a what could have been a very nasty negative cycle. These patterns of thinking have been very self destructive for me in the past, and it is so easy to fall back into them and let the nothing just carry you away.

Good thing for me I have learned a few things these last few months about myself and how to handle this negative energy. As it was February 14th most of my support circle was busy last night having the most wonderful time (I hope), so I had to look at the man in the mirror for some guidance and help. I fired up Titanic on the big screen, grabbed my trusty journal and wrote a bunch of pages to purge my mind of the evil thoughts stirring around in there.

Those thoughts are now out of my head and will be translated directly into actions today which is a great thing. These intermittent thoughts that I would argue we all have from time to time can be self destructive when allowed to take hold, its comforting knowing that I can now recognize the onset and not allow myself to get trapped, but even more so be a source of energy and inspiration to drive me forward.

Today we have 80 sugar cookies to bake this morning for a client tomorrow afternoon, and some for my daughter and her class tomorrow as she is star of the day, then it will be some quality kid time tonight with swim lessons and some family fun at the YMCA followed my Marvel movie night!

How I Feel Better, Not Rocket Science…

To say I’ve been in a bit of a funk recently would be an understatement, which is weird because usually after some kid free time I am recharged and ready to face the week ahead. Not so much this weekend, I had the best Saturday possible where it involved a 11.5km run outdoors, followed by a leg workout. Then I had the pleasure of playing my x-wing miniatures game and won 🙂 and enjoyed the time in between playing pool and other things…

I woke up early on Sunday and took a look at my MasterMind homework for the week, this scared the crap out of me and I think started the process of getting inside my own head. To backtrack a bit, I’ve joined several men’s support groups on Facebook and have started working with several guys through weeks of community calls and support to help improve mental health/ The love and support I’ve found here is life changing in so many ways that sometimes words cannot just describe.

So this exercise really got into my head, and it started my mind thinking on a bunch of other things that really had an impact and effect on my mood. This would be one of the greatest things that I needed to work on and change when I decided to walk away from my job and rediscover all the joys in life. We sometimes call it Mental Toughness, and it had been awhile since my mind had gotten the better of me. This mood, if you will drifted into Monday and I got through that day but was very lethargic, didn’t eat well and perhaps drank one or two too many beers last night. Lying in bed eating a large piece of apple pie right before going to sleep perhaps was not the best thing.

The last two night I have also had very vivid and telling dreams about a few of things that I have been thinking on. I think my sub conscience mind was trying to work through some of the mental baggage that I am still carrying around in the back of my mind. And I have a job interview today, one that I am only a little nervous about as it’s my first in a good long while, and there may be some uncomfortable topics on conversation along the way. I think if I approach it with an open mind, and coming from a point of being vulnerable then I should be just fine.

With all this going on today, I reached out to some friends and posted in a few of my support groups, and I was hit back with some instant comments and support. Even had a challenge thrown my way to keep at things and I happily accepted that challenge and found my way down to my gym in the basement for a good hour of lifting weights and running the stairs throughout my house.

It helped immensely with my mood and energy level for the rest of today! I actually feel pretty good, I guess the only thing left to work through is my nerves with regards to both this interview and the fact that I will be the center of attention during my conference call tonight, talking about this very subject. i actually welcome the chance to get 12 other men’s perspective on my situation and what I am currently dealing with. It’s an incredibly nerve racking experience to open up and share what’s going on in my head, not something that I have ever done before which is causing the nerves. When it all said and done I know that I will learn and grow from the experience and continue to move my life in the right direction.

This is a cycle that I have dealt with my entire life, and it would cripple me for weeks at a time. Dealing with addiction made this cycle even worse, and even tougher to shake. I have a smile on my face as I type this now realizing that I have positioned myself to help safeguard these self destructive cycles that I know that exist in my life. Ha ha… win!

48 Hours Kid Free

As a full time father of four it’s not often I can say that. It’s rare to have any time to myself let alone two full days. I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to a quiet house, the sleeping in, the getting to do whatever I want to do.

By having ME time has allowed me to keep my sanity most of the time when confronted with the chaos of four kids. Or six kids back in the day, or in the seven kid chaos coming my way later this summer. I once had a 17 kid dinner in my house and I was the only parent. It was a dream of mine, as each kid asked if they could have there friends over I said yes and yes and yes and yes until I was making dinner for 17 kids. I have the video to prove it…

Although I can’t seem to find it at the moment, believe me it happened…

These weekends I use to recharge my batteries and do the things that I love. For example I am going to go for a nice long run down to the waterfront and back, it’s full of elevation changes and great scenery. I am going to stroll the flea market and do some window shopping, and I am even going to sleep in tomorrow. No five am gym session for this guy!

I consider having the best of both worlds, full time Dad by week and bachelor on the weekends. Yes I miss my children terribly but at the same time I enjoy the peace and quiet a Friday night with an empty house brings… I think I will go play a game of pool.

And if you haven’t seen the movie Dead Poets Society, go watch it and take some lessons from it. You will be glad you did, have a great night everyone!

I Am NOT A Morning Person

In a quick follow up to yesterday’s post, Austin’s birthday turned out to be pretty good. Yes there was a lot of running around, and I thoroughly enjoyed taking him toy shopping and then coming home and making a Spider-Man cake that he has requested.

It was awesome!

So this morning I had set my alarm for 4:45 am with the intentions of getting a run and swim in before Danielle would bring the kids back in the morning. I like the idea of getting my workouts in while the kids are not here, or sleeping soundly in their beds. This allows me to have more fun time around the house when Austin is here as opposed to dragging him along to the YMCA and dumping him the playroom for a couple of hours. Yes I am sure he enjoys playing with other kids his age, and I am sure it is good for his social skills however his time at home before school starts is quickly running out and I want to cherish every second of it.

I was up early on Wednesday morning for the run and swim combo, and purposely planned my run on Thursday for late in the evening to allow a good 36 hours of recovery time between cardio sessions. I am concerned that my legs are not going to make it 100 days in a row unless I am smart and make sure I have good maintenance on those leg muscles, and avoiding injury. The plan was solid as the legs (in the morning) were quite sore, but throughout the day they felt better, I use a massage roller on the quad and calf muscles and it really seems to help with recovery.

This morning’s turn around was much much shorter, about 9 hours of recovery time between last night’s run and back at it this morning. So when the alarm went off at 4:45 am this morning, my first instinct was to turn it off and roll over. Luckily for me I generally don’t listen to that instinct anymore so up I got, and headed downstairs to make my mandatory morning coffee. Honestly I was so tired this morning and I didn’t want to wait for the drip cycle to finish so I heated up what was left from yesterday’s coffee in the microwave, put together my gym bag and headed out the door before I could change my mind.

I think there were four or five other guys in the gym this morning, and when I got onto the treadmill for what was planned to be a 9km run it felt difficult to get the legs moving. I generally warm up at 6 mph but today it was 5.5 to start, almost like a light jog and what started out as a tough run turned into something much different. After the 1st kilometer I started to warm up, I think it was a smart decision to wear track pants today as it helped keep my leg muscles warm and loose, and I was quickly able to up the pace and started to feel really good while running.

I let my mind wander to several different subjects while running, this takes the focus off perhaps how sore the legs are, what pain I may be experiencing and in all honesty helps the time go by quicker. Running outside is fantastic, the fresh air, the fact that your view is alway changing, I love it! While running on a treadmill is rather static and very boring, the only view is the pool below or your own reflection in the window in front of you especially when you on there for close to an hour or so.

This morning the kilometers ticked off quickly, and the 80’s workout playlist was spot on as I easily hit the 9km goal and decided to stick around for another 1.5 km’s. By this time the pool below me had filled up so I decided to come back for my swim later in the morning. Funny thing from the time I changed and was headed out to my car the pool had emptied, literally no one was there. So I turned right around and headed back into the change room and jumped into an empty pool for an awesome 1.5km swim all to myself.

The only thing you can really do while swimming is thinking about things, much like running it can really help pass the time. During this swim I thought a lot about the upcoming triathlon season and what I truly wanted to accomplish this summer. I started to envision some of the courses that I would be racing on, how I was going to push myself and thought a lot about my bucket list goal of actually winning one of these races outright. Not just my age group, but first place overall. I honestly believe with my current mindset, my training plan and with the help of the support system that I put around me will help me accomplish everything I’ve set out to do.

The next four months are going to be a lot of hard work, a lot of sore muscles, there will be a lot of early mornings but at the end of this summer I am going to look back and be absolutely marveled at how much I’ve grown and what I have been able to accomplish. And I am not just talking about the sport of triathlon, this is going to bleed into all other areas of my life. As a father, as a partner and as a man. I’ve got this. I love it.

Did I mention I am not a morning person?

I’m Not Dancing…

I signed up my little ones for a hip hop dance class at the YMCA on Monday nights. Tonight is week 2 of a 12 week run, I’ve watched my older daughters go through similar classes in the past but was unsure of what to expect with ages 3 and 5.

It starts with a warmup basically organized chaos and running all around the gym. Loosening up leg and arm muscles as they run back and forth working up a sweat. And now they are being shown and repeating some basic hip hop moves.

Austin for two weeks in a row, every time I mention the class says “I’m not dancing…” and makes a funny face.

While sitting here watching the class go down he is right there with his sister shuffling back and forth across the dance floor (aka gym) and seems to be having a great time as there is a big smile on his face.

I was slightly worried that he would be the kid that was distracted by everything that went by, or wasn’t listening to the instructor like this other little boy is who is currently running laps around the exterior of the gym instead of participating. Kind of funny…

I suspect that it is because his sister is in the class with him and had this been a solo mission for Austin he might be acting differently. It’s fun watching them have fun, get exercise and not be sitting there in front of the TV watching mindlessly.

I love the YMCA it has great programs for the kids that doesn’t cost any extra for the discounted membership price I was given. Perhaps I will give that Yoga class a try I’ve been itching to try out…

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